This post was prompted by my own independent experiences, but it just happens to be about the same things Laura was talking about in her post below, so it is in some ways a response to that post.

I have lately been thinking more about pursuing further studies, most likely in English literature, at the master's and/or doctoral level. The problem is, it seems like you need to have a pretty good idea of the area you want to study and your dissertation topic, especially for doctoral studies, and I can't pin down one area that I'm especially interested in. I was looking at the websites for the English departments of some well-known universities, just browsing to see if there were any professors whose research interests sounded like something that I would be interested in studying further. After some time, a subtle sickening feeling began to steal over me. I had had this experience before, when I was trying to decide on a major before settling on PLS and thus was reading the topics of the professors' research in several different fields, including English, psychology, and a few others. The sickening sensation, I think, was the result of plowing through heaps upon heaps of what sounded like hopelessly pedantic and narrow research topics, things that no one in their right mind would ever think to spend a lot of time learning about because they were so narrowly focused. My impulse then, as it still is now, was for greater and greater broadness, for expansion rather than narrowing. My ideal, I later came to realize, was that of the Renaissance man or the "gentleman" in the Pascalian sense, the man who is not necessarily an expert on anything but who knows a lot about many different things. 

The trouble is, I want to learn it all. Almost everything seems interesting to me, but this prevents me from choosing any one thing to focus on in great detail and depth, at the exclusion of other things. At the same time as all of these professors' research topics sound interesting, I don't want to learn any of it, and it all seems like vanities upon vanities. 

This way of expansion seems to be contrary to the way of the scholar, or at least the professional scholar. Perhaps it is the way of the auto-didact, the self-directed and free scholar, such as I imagine Erasmus, Pascal, and virtually every other great figure in the history of thought were. The more I think about it, it seems that almost none of the truly great, original thinkers, none of the most remembered and renowned artists and poets, were university men. From the little biographical reading I have done about famous writers and thinkers, it seems that most pursued jagged and erratic career paths. Some studied at universities for a time, some earned graduate degrees, but usually, they eventually at some point broke from the well-worn rut of academia. They took the road less traveled.

Perhaps it is possible, as I said in my first response to Laura's post, to pursue the academic career path but to retain your integrity, to expand and broaden rather than narrow yourself, to hold the best of yourself in reserve. Perhaps it is possible to be in academia without being of academia. I can think of professors I have had who seem to fit this description somewhat (Weinfield comes to mind). But it is probably exceedingly difficult. Then again, it is also exceedingly difficult to pursue one's own self-directed program of learning while fully involved in the real world, contending with the intractable and insistent pressures of time and economics. Ah well, c'est la vie. We were condemned to labor under the sweat of our brows.

-Joey

P.S. Lilly, I'd be interested in reading the pensee you wrote for Munzel.
 
What am I thankful for? I am thankful for Thanksgiving, the perfect opportunity to stuff your face while enjoying the company of the people you love. I am thankful for the gift of food and eating, an indescribable experience no matter what food you have--a music in the mouth that somehow emerges miraculously from a blend of chemicals and neurons. Last night while out at a bar with my friends from high school, I realized suddenly how thankful I was for all of them, for each one of them is beautiful in their own way, and how thankful I am for the many more people in the world whose lives have just barely touched mine, for the gift of walking into a crowded bar and seeing faces I once knew, laughing and relaxing and enjoying drinks, and getting the chance to catch up with them again, and everyone being more beautiful and more fully themselves than they were when last I saw them. I imagine this is what heaven would be like. I am grateful for the continuity and entanglement of space and time, for these fetters that set us free and allow us to experience reality, because without these filters reality is an inchoate explosion that only Itself can understand. I am grateful for having a mind, for having a brain that allows so many millions of thoughts to pass through me every day, allowing me to think back and forward, giving me some measure of freedom from the present. I am grateful for each one of you, my friends, who each of you find ways to appear every day in those millions of thoughts flitting through me, who thereby enrich my life, and hopefully I yours in turn. I am grateful for Whatever holds us up and keeps us going, for That which has kept me and keeps me from falling apart at every moment. I am grateful for life, and I am grateful for death, for without death life would be unendurable.

-JMK

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11/18/2011

4 Comments

 
First, since this is not a pensee over which the threat of professorly displeasure looms, can I apologize for completely dropping the ball in posting thus far?  I really have no excuse - except for that strange, frenetic voice in my head that stammers and rapidly and repeatedly insists on doing anything and everything tomorrow, preferably when no one is looking.  At any rate, I'm very sorry and I truly will try to make up for it - every other week for the foreseeable future...

As someone very much in limbo right now, I've been thinking a lot about the where and the why - oh, and quite frantically about the how.  We're all PLSers; we seem to have an almost pathological (pardon the negative connotation!) need to do and be... better and more - to make something real and amazing and dumbfoundingly splendid with our lives.  Goodness knows I want that, and I think anyone who forges ahead through three years of Kants and Euclids and Hegels (no offense meant - just imagine I picked people you hated too...) for the sake of not only the luminous Dantes and Dostoevskys but also for the possibility of understanding everything a little better - well, I think you must want IT too. 

Now maybe my weird disillusionment with academia wouldn't have wormed its way in if I had been a faithful reader and poster over the past few months.  I still love PLS and I still itch to continue exploring the Great Books and the great ideas  - and the possibilty of IT - but more and more I keep coming back to the little things... and I think maybe those "sticky little leaves" don't have anything to do with philosophic knowledge after all (I always tried to make them coincide - maybe I was the only one).  ...And then I wonder what the real difference is between the two roads in the yellow wood:  maybe just the quiet ability to love the small things as much as the large - and to pay as much attention to the shadow the leaves make on the path or the way the phone sounds when it rings in your pocket as whether or not the space around you is a mental construct or what time really means.  Maybe it's enough to just get the hang of living life as a gift from Him - and trying to communicate that in whatever language you know best and whatever life you love with your best and most peaceful self.  

I don't know.  This is most likely something you all already knew - and here I am with my leftover epiphanies again...  Or maybe I'm just giving academic endeavor the "rottenest kind of a deal."  That may well be.  But they're my honest thoughts for better or worse.

-L Schaffer
 
I once heard a criticism of Great Books programs (I'm pretty sure it was in The Closing of the American Mind) that charged that reading the Great Books in such a cursory fashion gives people a "spurious acquaintance with greatness." That may be so, but I would charge that an education that consists of reading a lot of history books or news articles without any philosophical training gives people a spurious acquaintance with awareness.

-Joey
 
The back cover of my well-worn copy of Brideshead Revisited describes the novel as Evelyn Waugh's homage to the past, a book "alight with the glittering-candle glow of an elegant age that was already passing away."

In another well-worn favorite, A Severe Mercy (a natural sequel to Brideshead which I highly recommend to those who haven't read it), author Sheldon Vanauken describes his 1940s-era courtship of his wife, Davy.  As college students, the two loved to spend hours in the library of his father's genteel club, sipping drinks and talking or reading in front of an enormous fireplace.  Above the ornate fireplace, these words were inscribed: "Music, Books, and Friends decree Wisdom, Strength, and Courtesy".  The two young lovers took the quote to heart, and made music, books, and loving friendship integral parts of their marriage.

Yesterday I attended a lecture at the old and prestigious University Club of Chicago.  One room in particular featured a stone fireplace, chairs, and books - reminding me of Vanauken's description of his father's club.  Unfortunately the lecture and discussion afterwards centered on the demise of Western civilization; the modern disrespect for old ways, traditions, and places.

Out of all this, came the following.  I am sure that you all have places where you have felt the same way.

On Evening
I like these enclaves of old, their often moss-grown quietness.
The robust armchairs before a vast fireside of stone
Bound books line walls of places too loved, to be allowed to live long. 
Will you sit with mead and mugs before the fire, care not for drops of snow that mist the pane. 
Will you breathe the scent of must and conversation in places that for years have been the same.

Preserve the enclave, grey stone and ivy clinging.  A berth, a port, to feet that wander far.  How long can comfort last beneath these ill-crossed stars?

Music, books, and friends decree wisdom, strength, and courtesy

Will we lose plush carpets, slightly worn where soft-shod feet have stood.
The diamond panes of windows built for carriage views and not for conservation.
Will it last?
Can it last?
Carry the flame of impractical oak logs and hearts and tongues that dance to the tune of port and sherry.
Carry this, for it cannot last long.

- LC